Wilma Derksen is accustomed to being in the spotlight, especially as the mother of Candace Derksen, who was murdered in 1984 at the age of 13.
It has been a large part of her journey that has seen her become not only the mother of a murdered child but also a writer, coach/therapist, accidental artist, forgiveness practitioner, responsive life writing teacher, and spiritual pilgrim.
Those roles all continue now as she grapples with her diagnosis of Parkinson’s disease and seeks to help others walking a similar path.
“In some ways, I’m known … I’m not known here as much,” noted Derksen, who today calls Winkler home. “I guess, with all of this that has happened to me … I just resolved that if anybody was going to ask me … I don’t have answers, but I don’t mind people being part of my journey.”
Derksen has been struggling to come to terms with her Parkinson’s diagnosis, as there are so many unknowns, fears, and anxieties. Despite that and admittedly being in denial, she is working to understand the disease better and realize her life is not over.
She is quick to respond when asked for her thoughts on facing yet another major challenge in her life.
“Why me? Why not me, though,” she said.
“I guess in some ways, in my journey, I’ve encountered so many people who have been through so much, and in fact, I haven’t met anyone who isn’t going through something,” she observed. “I look at their lives … and I always find I think that’s the worst thing that could happen to them, and the worst thing that could happen to me has happened to me. It has happened to everybody, the worst thing, and we are all tested at a horrible place.
“It’s kind of like what do I do with it … each one does that, and then it’s, okay, it’s going to prepare me somehow for the next one, and it doesn’t.”
Her husband Cliff died about four years ago, and it was soon after that when she learned she had Parkinson’s.
Coming to terms with the illness is a lonely, isolating experience, and it’s so important to reach out to others for support, Derksen observes, so it was through Tim Hague—who is known as an Amazing Race participant but who also started the U-Turn program for Parkinson’s patients—that she recently connected with local resident Barb Toews, who has a firsthand understanding of the disease through being a caregiver for her husband and having taken part in the programs offered by U-Turn.
“I don’t have the tools yet for Parkinson’s. I don’t know how to do this,” admitted Derksen, but accessing the supports available is a start.
Derksen recalled being diagnosed in 2022.
“Just before that, I had a big party at my place, and I had noticed a bit of a tremor … and I noticed my handwriting—I couldn’t read my own handwriting.”
She immediately suspected what might be happening, as her mother and aunt both had the disease.
She suddenly started to feel more of the impact of the condition and knew that she needed to make a change in her life, and that led to the move to Winkler to be closer to family.
“I broke. I just stopped … and I had moved from my house to an apartment in Winnipeg,” she said. “I just couldn’t function … I can function very well with my daughter now … but I was just broken.”
She is thankful she met Toews here, leaning on her for support as she continues to learn how to live with this diagnosis.
“I’ve seen her get better and better each time I’ve met with her … getting a bit stronger and stronger,” said Toews. “Anybody with Parkinson’s will deal with it in some different way to some degree.”
In the meantime, Derksen intends to continue writing. She already has a number of books under her belt, including Impossible: Forgiveness To The Power Of Five— Body, Heart, Mind, Spirit and Collective, which details her choice to forgive her daughter’s killer.
“People thought it would be impossible for me to forgive,” she said. “There was so much controversy and so much misunderstanding around my forgiveness that I thought I’ve never been able to explain it. I was determined to do it.
“I think what has helped me is that, after 40 years of coming to understand what forgiveness was all about, I kind of came up with this idea … the power of five,” she continued.“How do we organize forgiveness? It’s just so huge, and nobody really seems to have an answer. I was thinking I’ve talked about forgiveness for 40 years but not really gotten a handle on it. So finally I was able to put it down in an organized way.
“And now my challenge is I think I want to put Parkinson’s into that too,” Derksen said. “I think I’m writing as a coach as to how you can deal with this too.”
“She can still help other people who are struggling with things like Parkinson’s and other things,” noted Toews.
Learn more about the programs and support available to those living with Parkinson’s disease online at uturnparkinsons.org or parkinson.ca
