The Interlake-Eastern Regional Health Authority’s palliative care program is providing people with an opportunity to mourn the loss of their loved ones through holiday memory trees that have been set up in public places, health facilities and online.
Barb Ramsay, a palliative care volunteer coordinator with the IERHA, said having support systems and the chance to honour loved ones at this time of year can help people deal with grief.
“We have all experienced loss and grief to some degree. Some have experienced the death of a loved one and are bereaved,” said Ramsay in a statement shared by the health authority “Support systems and ways to honour are more important than ever.”
The palliative care program, with assistance from companion volunteers, community groups and other IERHA staff, have placed trees at the Stonewall library and at the Teulon library where people can place card ornaments on the trees in memory of their loved one. Grief resources for all ages will also be placed at each tree.
During the holiday season when so much focus is on family, Ramsay said it can be difficult for people who are grieving to feel like celebrating.
“These [memory trees] are meaningful gestures, which are so important around any special day when our sorrow is heightened,” she said.
The health authority is also providing people with an opportunity to submit an online memory, which will be posted on the virtual memory tree webpage.
Visit https://www.ierha.ca/forms/virtual-memory-tree or click on the banner at the top of the main IERHA webpage www.ierha.ca
The IERHA is sharing a number of supportive ways people can help themselves during the holiday season. The palliative care program recognizes that this is a difficult time of year and that the absence of loved ones can be more noticeable or painful for many people.
“We all have expectations about what the holidays should be like and how we should feel. We also know that a death in the family changes many things, and this holiday season will be different from others in the past,” states the care program.
The palliative care team has put together the following list of suggestions (with reference to the Victoria Hospice Society) to help people cope with grief:
- As much as we’d like to skip from November to January, this isn’t possible. It will be more helpful for you to take control of the situation and plan for what you do and do not want to do to get through this time.
- Family get togethers may be difficult. It is often helpful to be honest with each other about your feelings, to sit down and decide what you all want to do. Try not to set expectations too high for yourself or other family members on special days.
- Be careful of “should.” It is better to do what feels best for you and your family, not what you or others think you should do. Give yourself permission to not do things. Once you have decided how your family will handle the holidays, let others know. Remember, what you choose to do this time can always be changed next year.
- Recognize that your distress about the holidays is normal. It doesn’t make you a bad person. Other bereaved people have felt, and do feel, as you do right now.
- Recognize too, that you can be happy and express joy. This does not mean that you are dishonoring the person who has died.
- Do the holiday preparations that you enjoy and look for alternatives for those you don’t. This year you could buy baked goods, let others bake for you or do without.
- Be aware of the pressures, demands and fatigue that come with the holidays. Take time out to care for yourself. You will need all your energy during this time.
- Be gentle with yourself. Tears and sadness are normal and do not have to ruin the entire holiday for you or for others. Let yourself cry and you will be surprised that you can go on again.
- As the holiday approaches, it may be helpful to share your concerns, feelings and worries with someone. Try to accept their offers of help.
- Do something symbolic. Think about including rituals that can symbolize your memory of your loved one. For example, putting up a special ornament, lighting a candle or setting aside a special time to remember your loved one. Watch for Memory Trees or memorial events offered in your community. Rituals allow you to direct your feelings and thoughts into an activity. They can make your feelings more manageable.
- You may find yourself reminiscing about other holidays you shared with your deceased loved one. This is normal. Let the memories come. Talk about them. This is part of mourning and doesn’t stop just because it is a holiday.
- Consider doing something for someone else. Although you may feel hurt, reaching out to another can bring you fulfillment.
Manitoba Shared Health also provides information about dealing with grief through the “Navigating feelings of grief during the holiday season” posting on its website (sharedhealthmb.ca). Selkirk Mental Health nurse educator Mallory Schmitz offers a number of suggestions that include acknowledging your feelings as you enter the season, being honest about what you need if you feel a gathering will be difficult, setting limits (e.g., declining invitations) if you’re feeling overwhelmed and taking time out for yourself.
People can access online mental health supports through the IERHA at any time by visiting www.ierha.ca/programs-services/mental-health The IERHA also has a 24-hour crisis line: 1-866-427-8628.
