Local mother speaks to experience parenting child with FASD
The Interlake FASD Coalition hosted their annual awarenes event where they bring to light the effects of alcohol on developing fetuses and advocate for more awareness of the needs of people with Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD) in our community. This year they had a FASD advocate and mother, who’s child has FASD, discuss FASD and child and youth sexual exploitation.
Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder is a diagnostic term that describes the range of effects that can occur in an individual who was exposed to alcohol prenatally. FASD is a lifelong neurodevelopmental disorder that can impact a person’s learning, physical, cognitive, behaviour and development.
The meeting started with a land acknowledgement followed by Sherisse Picklyk Dear, who is one of the co-chairs of the Interlake FASD Committee acknowledging the hard work that people in Selkirk have done to bring more awareness to FASD and explaining what would be discussed at the event which took place at Selkirk United Church on Sept 13.
“We are eternally grateful for Selkirk’s support of our committee’s work and the events we have put on over the years, and we are grateful for the many agencies and organizations that support, partner and promote us and that are here for our community fair. The goal of our FASD Awareness Day event today is to explore the intersectionality between child abuse, sexual exploitation and FASD,” she said.
She went on to talk about the Interlake Sexual Exploitation Educators as a group that brings knowledge about sexual exploitation to our community and let attendees know about this great resource that is available locally.
Next, a local mother with a child with FASD came to the stage to present her story about trying to help her child navigate living with FASD in a world where there are pathways that can lead to exploitation. This caregiver has asked that her name not be printed in order to keep the identity of her child, who is now a young adult, private.
“I’m going to use my child’s profile behaviours to talk about why and how individuals with FASD are more vulnerable to sexual exploitation, and the pathways into that in our experience. I’m going to highlight the limitations of caregiver’s reach into the public sphere. I certainly have my role as a caregiver but then when things move into the public sphere, things get a little bit trickier, and I’ll talk about some of our experiences within the service sector and how everyone in the community can play a part,” said the mother.
She explained that many aspects of her child’s brain have been affected by FASD and that everyone with FASD is different so knowing what FASD is doesn’t mean that that person understands what FASD means for each individual.
In her child’s case, the mother explained that they have an IQ that correlates with their age which means that her child presents so well that difficulties in other areas can be masked.
“Often [they] present like a really delinquent teenager who has never had any boundaries put in place and probably doesn’t have any parents supporting [them]. That is really what the behaviours present as, which really makes it tricky for people to understand what’s going on,” said the mother.
She explained that characteristics of FASD such as difficulties with impulse control, difficulties with social skills, a disconnected self-image, and an increased fight or flight response have likely contributed to her child ending up in exploitative situations.
In this family’s case, the loss of a member of the child’s birth family created a traumatic situation and connected them with some people who have been negative influences. The exploitation that her child has experienced since has been an additional source of trauma.
“We really have this sense in society that good parents produce, good kids. We really don’t have a story for when good parents have kids with complex needs and high-level vulnerabilities that demonstrate these behaviours in a public sphere,” said the mother.
She explained that her child comes from a stable two-parent family with a stable extended family and a stable living environment.
Unfortunately, in the service sector, this mother has experienced a great deal of judgement and has found that there are many services that are not used to having a parent involved because of the above idea that a child in these situations must have inattentive parents.
“Our main intervention is grounded in relationship and I protect that relationship at all costs. Since [they] joined our family at 10 months, we’ve been modelling and teaching healthy relationships, healthy coping strategies, healthy substance use, healthy sexuality and consent,” said the mother.
She said that with this disease it does really take a village to raise a child.
“With FASD, it doesn’t matter how competent the family is. Variables from FASD complicate life for everyone involved — the individuals, the caregivers, the family service sectors, health, education, criminal justice, employment, social services, all of it. In my years of experience, I’ve tried to access, or have accessed almost every single service sector. Because of my limited reach into that public sphere, I need community and other service providers on my team,” she said.
CanFASD is Canada’s source for evidence-based information on Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder and this year their FASD awareness day message “Everyone plays a part” reflects what she’s saying.
Some areas that the mother says in her experience there need to be improvements are: services connecting better with each other, the criteria for help being limited and location dependant, the rotation of staff causing the family to have to tell their story to many people again and again, and communication challenges in general.
“The only thing I can do at this point is maintain the relationship with [my child], and keep any door open for [them] when [they’re] ready to walk through,” said the mother.
She finished her discussion by highlighting the need for a resiliency and a family-centred approach to care because the whole family is affected by situations like this.
The FASD awareness event concluded with a question and answer session and attendees were invited to tape red covers on their shoes for the day to show their support for FASD awareness in our community.
